he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
