I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
