i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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