Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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