Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
