wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize