when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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