So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
