Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
