i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
