I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize