I should be sponsored by Trojan
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Randomize
