I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
