I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
