i just wanna soil my oats bro
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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