Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
