watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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