Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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