I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
