Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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