Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
