she looked like the before picture.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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