he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
