Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
don't judge my taste in strippers
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
