I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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