i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize