I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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