I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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