based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Randomize