I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
