She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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