So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
