i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
