i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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