Did you just see the Batmobile???
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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