I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
