apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize