He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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