I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize