are you still at the devil's house?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
