She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
