Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
