butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
