i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You pole danced in your parka.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
