Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
