Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
