Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
