So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
