Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
