i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
