so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize