Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
