woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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