i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
