I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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