I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
