everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
