Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
