it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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