Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
