shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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