Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
