Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
