I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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