I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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