I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize