He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
