that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
