Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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