ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
