my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
be right there i have to get my cape
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
