Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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