i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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