wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
