Sry I called you an 8
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You took a bar mat shot.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Are we still banned from the library?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize