Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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