Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
