I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude i'm inner monologue high
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Someone came in the potted fern
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
