there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
