Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
