No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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