Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
