Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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