Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
