so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
