Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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