I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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