I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
