It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
