Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
