the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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