Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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