the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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