This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
