How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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