its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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