I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize