At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
