You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
