Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
