Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
