some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
