It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
