paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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