Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
