god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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