she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
