i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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