i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
