my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
