I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
