You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize