Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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